★ NOW ACCEPTING WAITLIST SIGNUPS ★ SAND INCLUDED AT NO EXTRA CHARGE ★ NOT POLARIZED ★ DALE, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, CALL US ★ FIRST BATCH: 300 PAIRS ★
!! THIS SITE IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION !!

Welcome to the Official Home Page of

WASHED UP*

The shittiest sunglasses on Earth.*

*They're actually pretty great.

NEW! The Dale, model 001, is coming soon.

exhibit_a.jpg
The original pair: glossy black wraparound sunglasses with smoke lenses, sitting on a paper towel on a kitchen counter
Exhibit A: the original pair, found skimming the bottom in waist-deep water at Gulf Shores, Alabama, summer 2026. Not for sale. It's a holy relic.

My wife pulled these out of the Gulf. They looked like something a mechanic named Dale would wear, so that's who we decided lost them. He must be heartbroken. I put them on as a joke. Then I found out they're actually great. It felt wrong to keep them to ourselves. So now we're making more.

guestbook.exe

Sign the Guestbook!*

*It's the waitlist for The Dale. The first batch is 300 pairs. We'll email you when they're ready to order. No spam. We don't have time.

How many pairs will you lose this summer?
Are you Dale?

About $15 a pair, or 3 for $35 because you'll lose them. Probably. We're still working it out.

✔ Done. (This part of the site actually works.)
why_theyre_shitty.txt

Why we thought these were the shittiest sunglasses on Earth

  • They're made of plastic.*
  • The lenses are plastic too.**
  • They're bendy. Concerningly bendy.***
  • They're not polarized.****
  • Those vents on the arms? Useless.*****
  • They look like it's 2003.******

* Nylon, technically. Plastic with a better lawyer. Light, flexible and hard to break.

** Polycarbonate, the impact-resistant stuff that naturally blocks UV. We're getting ours lab-tested before we put a number on it.

*** They bend way back and spring right back instead of snapping.

**** You can still read your phone and your dashboard.

***** We honestly don't know what they do. Nobody does.

****** Correct.

Looks are deceiving.

why_you_want_a_pair.txt

Why you actually want a pair

  • Lose them. Sit on them. Drop them off the boat. They're about $15, not $200.
  • No case needed. Throw them in the cupholder.
  • The pair we found turned out to be safety glasses. Ours are getting tested to the same standard. Lab report first, bragging second.
sand.exe

Now with sand!

Every pair of The Dale ships with a sealed baggie of genuine sand, because that's where we found the first one.

The sand gets its own bag so it can't scratch your lenses.

Don't want sand? Add the $2 de-sanding fee at checkout. We'll leave it out and try not to take it personally.

Dear Dale,

We found your sunglasses in the ocean at Gulf Shores this summer. They were the shittiest pair of sunglasses we'd ever seen.

Super bendy, cheap plastic lenses, fake vents that do nothing. Absolute trash. We laughed our asses off about how bad they were.

Then I put them on.

And everything changed.

We don't know your real name.

We don't know what you look like.

But you deserve to know the truth.

If you lost a pair of black wraparounds at Gulf Shores in summer 2026, get on the list and pick "Yes" under "Are you Dale?"

We will be in touch.

MISSING

DALE

Last seen: Gulf Shores, AL, summer 2026

Distinguishing features: unknown. Excellent taste in sunglasses.

If found, tell him his glasses are doing great.

whats_new.txt

What's New?

  • NEW! The visitor counter is real now.
  • Three sample pairs shipped from Taiwan: smoke, clear and yellow. Bend tests, float tests and an unboxing are coming.
  • The factory says they can make them in red. A guy on Discord already asked for 12.
  • We bought washedupshades.com. The site is officially on the internet. The visitor counter is still fake.
  • Dale update: still missing.